


Rosemary and Time

by SecretMaker



Series: Tumblr Drabbles 2015 [13]
Category: Free!
Genre: Dissociative Panic Attacks, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Slow Build, Threesom - M/M/M, anxiety disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3221873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretMaker/pseuds/SecretMaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke knows. Ai knows. Hell, even Rin's mom knows. Everyone knows.<br/>Everyone, that is, but Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It would be natural, Nitori realized one day as he lay looking up at the bottom of Momo’s bunk. A natural coming together of three parts of one whole. He smiled to himself, picturing the day when everything would work out the way it was always meant to. 

 

But it wasn’t that easy, he knew. It was one thing to daydream and hope, to stare longingly at the two figures he was sure were staring right back at him, but it was another thing altogether to assume it would actually work out. Still, there was no reason to assume it wouldn’t. Nitori knew it was only a matter of time before one of them broke and confessed everything. He was willing to wait.

 

* * *

 

 

Sousuke was tired of waiting. It was obvious to him at least what was going on here.He’d seen the long, lingering looks that they both thought they were hiding. He’d noticed the way one would always stand just a little too close to the other, or to him, and the way that casual, innocent touches were just a little too common, just a little too tender. And he was sure that Ai had noticed it all too. He’d seen the too-canny look in the boy’s eyes whenever the three of them were together. After the little talk he planed to have with his kouhai today, he’d know for certain.

 

So really, it wasn’t Sousuke’s fault at all.

 

* * *

 

 

It was all Rin’s fault

 

He just had to go and open his big fat mouth, in front of  Nagisa of all people. Just had to agree that all of Ai’s extra training was paying off, and that he and Sousuke were looking good. And then the blond demon had looked at him with that  glint in his eye, and Rin had known he was screwed. Nobody survived Nagisa’s glint.

 

It was just that Ai and Sousuke were so perfect for each other. Ai was sweet and innocent and gentle and tiny and determined, and Sousuke was strong and loyal and unstoppable and funny and calm, and the two of them were just so, so-

 

Perfect.

 

Rin could admit it to himself. Ai and Sousuke were perfect, and so it made sense for the two of them to be together. Perfection deserves equal perfection. It was something he had told himself when he was a kid in Australia, struggling toward a perfect goal in an imperfect body. He had learned his lesson about  that,  of course, but the basic philosophy still applied. 

 

Rin would never deserve either of them.

 

But now, of course, they would know by the time he got back to the dorms, if they didn’t know already. Hell, by sunset the whole  prefecture would know that Matsuoka Rin, Samezuka swimming captain, was in love with his two best friends. Rin started a mental packing list as he sat on the train back to Samezuka. He  was captain of the swim team, after all; he had the authority to move rooms around in the team’s designated hallway. He’d find Sousuke a new roommate and move himself to the other end of the hall. That would be best. Once they found out, neither of them was going to want to be all that close to him. Hell, while he was at it, he could probably move Ai into Sousuke’s room. They’d be happier that way.

 

Rin cringed when the announcement of his stop dragged him out of his thoughts. Really, it would have been much, much more convenient of the world to have just let him sit there and avoid the inevitable. But  no. Rin sighed heavily and slung his backpack over one shoulder before moving to step off the train and begin the trek back to Samezuka’s dorms. 

 

* * *

 

 

Sousuke and Nitori were just getting up to go find something to eat when the sounds of Rin coming home reached them from across the hall. For a moment, Nitori looked at the door and Sousuke looked at Nitori, both considering.

 

“Do you think we should tell him?” Nitori asked.

 

“Nah,” answered Sousuke, a slow smirk starting at the edges of his mouth. “Let’s act totally normal. It’ll freak him out.” Nitori smacked him on the arm then turned to leave the dorm.

 

“Rin-Senpai!” he called. “Yamazaki-Senpai and I were just going to the cafeteria for dinner. Do you wanna come?” Nitori opened the door to find Rin standing in the middle of his and Sousuke’s room with a pile of his clothes in his arm. “Uh, Senpai?” Nitori said slowly. “You did your laundry two days ago.” He ignored Sousuke’s snort behind him and focused on Rin’s deer-in-the-headlights stare. “You wanna get some dinner?”

 

“Dinner?” Rin repeated.

 

“Yes, dinner,” Sousuke said, shouldering his way into the room and tugging Nitori along with him. “You know, that thing every night where people sit down and eat food? We’re going to get some.”

 

“I know what dinner is, asshole,” Rin snapped. Sousuke just grinned at him. Nitori grabbed Sousuke’s jacket off of his bunk and tossed it at him, moving to the door.

 

“So are you two coming or not?” he asked over his shoulder. He set off down the hall to the sound of Sousuke’s laughter and Rin’s sputtering.

 

* * *

 

 

HAZUKI-SAN: [hey, ai-chan!!!!! rinrin’s totally in love with you and sou-chan!!!!! what are you going to do?!!! you need help hiding sou-chan’s body?!! cause i might know a guy…]

 

It was two-thirty in the morning when Nitori got the text. He had to bite his knuckle to keep from laughing out loud and waking Momo up as he forwarded the message to Sousuke. It was less than a minute before he got a response back.

 

YAMAZAKI-SENPAI: [That’s why he was packing when he got back]

 

ME: [Is that what he was doing?]

 

YAMAZAKI-SENPAI: [Yeah. He started again when we got back from dinner. Said he was getting ready to visit Gou but I found a room transfer form in his stuff. Hid it in your room, so he’ll have to get a new one if he still wants to leave.]

 

ME: [But why would Rin-Senpai want to leave your room?]

 

This time it took longer for a response. Nitori lay in the darkness, growing more and more nervous. Sure, Rin was the most oblivious blockhead on the planet, but even he must know that neither of them wanted him gone, right? Nitori’s phone buzzed and he lunged for it, almost landing himself on the floor in the process.

 

YAMAZAKI-SENPAI: [I think he thinks we’re disgusted by it. Don’t worry for now, duckling. We’ll sort it in the morning.]

 

ME: [Okay… Goodnight, Yamazaki-Senpai.]

 

YAMAZAKI-SENPAI: [Night, Ai]

 

Nitori clicked his phone off and stashed it under his pillow. Sousuke was right. He had to be. The next day was Sunday, so they had the whole day to talk Rin out of leaving. And maybe…

 

Nitori fell asleep with a smile on his face and visions of their grand coming-together floating through his head.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin wasn’t sure how he found himself sandwiched between Sousuke and Ai on the train the morning after the Great Nagisa Debacle, but here he was. Sousuke was sitting as stoic and unapproachable-looking as ever, while Ai was literally bouncing in his seat. “Where the hell are we going?” he asked, trying his best to sound irritable and not at all like he was secretly melting inside at the chance to be pressed so close to both of them. “I need to get back to the dorm and finish packing.”

 

“I told you, Senpai, we’re going to the movies,” Ai answered. 

 

“Why?”

 

“Because we wanted to spend some time with you,” Sousuke answered. “If you’re really going to be spending the weekend with Gou, we aren’t going to get to see you until Monday.”

 

“Oh my god,” Rin moaned. “You literally both see me every day. Sousuke, you live with me.”

 

“Maybe,” Ai said, and something in his voice made Rin pause and look at him. He was looking at Sousuke, and something in his face seemed almost sad. Rin’s heart sank a little bit. “We just don’t feel like we spend enough time with you,” Ai continued. “At least, not when it’s all three of us together.” Rin let the issue drop, but he couldn’t help but stew over it the rest of the ride. When they reached the station at the town’s shopping center, he hung back a bit to let Ai walk next to Sousuke.

 

The first store was some art supply shop that Ai had been wanting to visit for quite some time now. Rin hung back with Sousuke near the entrance and together they watched him flit from aisle to aisle with matching fond smiles on their faces. When the boy actually squeaked and started hopping in place with a bunch of brushes in his hand, Sousuke hung an arm around Rin’s shoulder and started chuckling.Before Rin could quite catch himself, he sighed and leaned into Sousuke’s touch. He stiffened immediately and pulled away. Had he waited just a moment longer, he would have heard Sousuke heave a disappointed sigh.

 

 

 

Ai caught sight of Sousuke sulking as they left the art store. “I take it it didn’t go well,” he said. Sousuke groaned quietly and shook his head. Ai rested a hand on his arm and gave him a smile. “Don’t worry, Yamazaki-Senpai, we still have the movies.” Sousuke smiled down at him and together they came up on either side of Rin. “What movie do you want to see, Senpai?” Ai asked, tucking his arm in Rin’s. 

 

“Whatever you two want to see is fine,” Rin answered. He glanced at Sousuke on his other side and detached himself carefully from Ai. Sousuke took his other arm.

 

“There’s that new action movie,” he suggested. Rin glanced at Ai and extracted his arm from Sousuke.

 

“Or a comedy, I think there’s something about a talking tree?” Ai slid his arm back into Rin’s.

 

“I think Rin would prefer a romance,” Sousuke said, taking Rin’s other arm. Rin sighed and hung his head, resigned to his fate. Together, they walked down the street toward the theater.

 

 

 

“What are you doing, Rin?” Sousuke asked around a mouthful of candy.

 

“Um?” Rin looked at him, puzzled. “I’m sitting next to you?”

 

“You have the popcorn,” Sousuke said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Popcorn sits in the middle.” Rin rolled his eyes.

 

“Ai doesn’t even like popcorn,” he protested. Sousuke stared at him until he stood with a frustrated grunt. “Fine,” he said, flopping down on Sousuke’s other side. “Happy now?”

 

“Yep,” answered Ai, tucking his feet under him and snuggling up to Rin. Rin leaned away from Ai, only to land against Sousuke, who quickly wrapped an arm around his shoulder to keep him in place. 

 

The movie was a horribly sappy romance, because of course it was. Rin spent the entire time alternating between wanting not to blush, wanting not to cry, and wanting to kiss either of the boys next to him. Rin would forever deny the wistful sigh that escaped him when the main character made her dramatic confession to her best friend and life-long crush. He forced himself not to pay any attention to the rest of the movie, in order to keep himself from doing anything else stupid.

 

 

 

Ai was at the end of his rope. He and Sousuke had done absolutely everything they could think of to make Rin realize that this was indeed very much a Date, but the redhead’s skull was impossibly thick at times. By the time the movie was over, Ai was down to his last resort. So when they left the theater, he steered Rin and Sousuke in the direction of his favorite cafe, letting the waitress seat them in their usual booth. He told the others he had to go to the bathroom and slipped off toward the kitchen.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, but this area is employees only,” said a harried-looking waitress without looking up from her pile of plates. 

 

“It’s alright, Aiko,” Ai said, smiling brightly at her. “My grandpa’s expecting me.” 

 

“Oh, Aiichirou-kun!” she cried. “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. Go on back.” Ai thanked her and slipped through the double doors. 

 

“Ojisan!” Ai called into the bustle of the kitchen. 

 

“Ai-chan!” cried an old man, looking up from where he was chopping carrots. “What brings you here?”

 

“I have a favor to ask.”

 

 

 

Rin had known it was only a matter time. When Ai had disappeared into the bathroom, Sousuke and Rin had sat in silence, and it was clear to Rin that Sousuke was thinking of exactly how to word something. Rin fidgeted with his napkin, waiting for the ball to drop.

 

“Sorry, Senpai,” came Ai’s voice as he flopped down into the booth next to him. 

 

“No problem, Ai,” Rin answered automatically. They sat in silence, Ai smiling widely, Sousuke staring at Rin in utter amusement, and Rin staring at the table, just wishing the other two would get it over with. Deciding to take pity on him, Sousuke spoke first.

 

“Look, Rin, you can’t switch rooms.” Rin’s head snapped up and he stared at his best friend. Of all the things he might have been expecting Sousuke to say, that was the farthest from the list.

 

“We don’t care if you have the authority to, Rin-Senpai, you’re not allowed to change rooms.” Rin’s gaze snapped around to Ai. His mouth was hanging a bit open, and his eyes were as big as saucers. Ai giggled a little and reached over to tap him under the chin. 

 

“Who said anything about me changing rooms?” Rin cried. Sousuke and Ai both raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not changing rooms!” he insisted.

 

“Good,” Ai said, lifting his menu decisively. “I think I’m having curry. What do you think, Yamazaki-Senpai?”

 

“Tonkatsu,” Sousuke answered without so much as glancing at the menu. Rin let his head fall to the table with a soft  thunk.

 

 

 

Hours later, when Sousuke was snoring and the last of the teachers had made their rounds to ensure everyone was in bed, Rin made a fierce turn on his seventh lap. Or was it his eighth? He had lost track somewhere around the time he also started crying. 

 

It wasn’t fucking fair! Why did the world hate him this much? What fucking force of fate had been cruel enough to decide that he had to fall in love with  both of his best friends? The same friends who were so obviously in love with each other?

 

Why did they have to be so sweet to him? Everything would have worked out fine if they had just let him go on with his plan of moving out and letting them forget about him. But they had to be his friends. They had to be better friends than he would ever deserve. Rin hit the wall and burst through the surface, tears and pool water streaming down his face. He jerked off his goggles and swim cap and buried his face in his hands.

 

Just out of sight, Ai did the same, hiding his own tears in Sousuke’s shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

Rin lounged against the door of the squad car, enjoying the weather and the company. He turned to look at Sousuke appreciatively, eying the way his uniform clung to his shoulders and his chest and his ass. Sousuke smirked back at him, eyes trailing up and down Rin’s body in return. Rin grinned and closed his eyes. He threw his head back and enjoyed the sun on his face. 

 

“Rin,” Sousuke called, his voice urgent and gleeful. “Look.” Rin opened his eyes and smiled wider. There, lurking in a shadowed alley as if that would stop them from seeing him, was Ai, his prison uniform askew and his hair tousled. Rin glanced at Sousuke and nodded. 

 

As one, they pushed of of the squad car and stalked forward, splitting to come at the mouth of the alley from either side. When Ai leaned forward cautiously to peak out around the corner, Rin and Sousuke each grabbed one of his arms. He let out a high-pitched squeal and jumped so hard he almost dislodged them. Sousuke chuckled, caressing the arm he held.

 

“Not so fast, Duckling,” Sousuke said. Ai looked up at them both and smiled sweetly.

 

“I guess you got me, officers,” he said. Rin slid his hold down Ai’s arm to his hand. On Ai’s other side, Sousuke did the same. Together, they all made their way to the squad car and clambered into the back seat one by one. Rin let go of Ai’s hand to pull him close, cradling him in his lap. Ai cuddled up to him, holding out his arms for Sousuke, who maneuvered until he was laying with his head in Ai’s lap. Rin reached down and ran his fingers through Sousuke’s hair.

 

“Well we have to do something!” Ai cried. Rin looked at him in confusion, but he just smiled back blithely.

 

“Keep your voice down, Duckling. Don’t wake him.” Now Rin looked at Sousuke, who had a tiny smile on his face and his eyes closed.

 

“He’s going to kill himself if this keeps up,” Ai said a bit more quietly.

 

“I know, but we have to be careful. If we move too fast, we could lose him forever.” Rin watched Sousuke’s mouth move, but the words coming out of it made no sense.

 

“What are you talking about?” Rin asked. They both smiled at him and were quiet for a moment. Then-

 

“It’s okay. I think he’s still asleep.” Sousuke nuzzled his head into Rin’s hand.

 

“Listen, I talked to my grandfather yesterday, and I think I might have an idea.” Ai’s voice was odd, as if it was coming from off to one side rather than Rin’s lap.

 

“NITORI-SENPAI!”

 

Rin jerked awake.

 

“Momo-kun, shut up!” Ai hissed. Rin looked around wildly to see him and Sousuke sitting by the desks across from the bed. Ai glanced over at Rin and sighed. “Great, you woke him up,” Ai scolded. Rin’s heart clenched at that. If they didn’t want him around that much, why were they even in the dorm?! Rin groaned and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. He felt like he hadn’t moved in a week.

 

“What time is it?” he muttered.

 

“Uh, it’s about two,” Ai said slowly. Rin jerked upright, wincing at the stiffness in his limbs.

 

“In the afternoon?” he cried.

 

“You had a late night,” Sousuke said calmly before Rin could get too worked up. Rin wiced again.

 

“You know about that?” Rin asked quietly. Sousuke just gave him a soft look. An awkward silence filled the room. Ai coughed and stood.

 

“Come on, Momo-kun, I know you haven’t done your homework yet,” he said, dragging Momo out by the arm. Rin and Sousuke watched each other for a moment once the door closed. Rin flopped back on the bed and waited.

 

Sure enough, Sousuke sighed heavily and stood, coming to lay flat on his back next to Rin. They were silent, watching the bunk above them the way they used to watch Rin’s ceiling when they were kids.

 

“We’re worried about you,” Sousuke said after some time.

 

“I know,” Rin sighed. 

 

“I wish you would talk to us,” Sousuke muttered. “We can’t help you if you don’t let us in.” Rin didn’t answer him. After a while, he heard Sousuke drift off to sleep. Rin closed his eyes, pretending for a moment that it was alright to follow him.

 

 

 

Ai couldn’t say he was surprised to find the others asleep when he came back a couple hours later. After Rin had broken down in the pool, Sousuke had sent Ai back to his dorm to sleep, promising he would take care of Rin. Ai dropped down in Sousuke’s chair and sighed. It had been a long day for him already, and it wasn’t over yet. He allowed himself a soft smile and watched them sleeping.

 

Rin was beautiful all the time, but when he slept there was something more, something ethereal about him. His red hair was splayed out on the pillow, his mouth slightly open, one hand fisted loosely near his face. He was leaning ever so slightly toward Sousuke, as if he wasn’t afraid to seek hi roommate out in his sleep. 

 

Ai sighed quietly to himself as he stood and moved over to the bed. “Rin-Senpai,” he called, nudging Rin’s shoulder. “Senpai, it’s time to wake up.” Rin stirred, edging a bit closer to Sousuke, and Ai couldn’t help another grin at that. “Rin, wake up,” he cooed.

 

Red eyes fluttered open and found his with a look so soft it took Ai’s breath away. “Hey, Ai,” Rin mumbled.

 

“Hey, Senpai,” Ai answered, pulling back to let Rin sit up. “How’d you sleep?”

 

“Not bad,” Rin said with a yawn. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked at Ai. “So what’s up?”

 

“Get dressed,” Ai said with a cheery smile. “I’m taking you out to dinner.” Rin blinked at him. “A nice dinner,” Ai added, turning to leave. “I’ll be back in half an hour, so get up.” He all but skipped back over to his dorm.

 

 

 

Rin followed Ai to the same cafe where the three of them had eaten the day before. There was a closed sign in the window, but Ai puled out a key and let the two of them inside. “I know the owner,” Ai explained, locking the door behind them and steering Rin to a small table in the middle of the cafe.

 

“What’s all this about, Ai?” Rin asked as he sat. A familiar-looking waitress set a drink in front of him. Ai smiled and thanked the waitress, waiting until she left to answer.

 

“I was serious about spending more time with you,” he said. “Sousuke and I, we both feel that way.” Rin didn’t really know what to do with that. He took a drink to hide the blush he could feel forming high on his cheeks and fought to bury the flood of irrational hope that filled him at those words. Just as Rin was beginning to worry he would run out of distractions, the waitress returned to set a massive steak in front of Rin.

 

Ai was laughing at him, he just knew it. But he was much to preoccupied with the slab of meat he was devouring to retaliate. It wasn’t until Ai actually chuckled that he looked up. “Wha’?” he grumbled, shooting his kouhai a half-hearted glare.

 

“Nothing, Rin,” Ai giggled, taking a bite of his own meal. “I just know how much you love meat.” Rin shot him a grin.

 

It was nice, just hanging out with Ai this way. They stayed at the cafe for a long time, just talking about anything that came to mind. Rin couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so at peace.

 

 

 

“So how was it?” Sousuke asked Rin when he came back to the dorm. Ai had been texting him covert updates throughout the entire date, and it seemed to Sousuke that the duckling might have finally gotten through to him.

 

“It was nice,” Rin said, taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. “You know I can’t remember the last time I just hung out with Ai like that? No senpai-kouhai stuff, no swimming stuff, just friends.” Rin smiled and continued getting dressed, oblivious to the look of absolute horror on Sousuke’s face. He pulled out his phone, bringing up his messaging app.

 

ME: [Ai, we have a problem.]

 

DUCKLING: [What’s wrong? Is Senpai okay? He seemed fine a minute ago, did he say something?]

 

ME: [Oh, he said something alright. Moron thinks you were just hanging out as friend.s]

 

There was a long pause. Sousuke alternated between staring at his phone and the back of Rin’s head. Then from across the hall he heard a frustrated scream echo through the dorm.

 

ME: [Don’t scream, Ai.]

 

DUCKLING: [THE ABSOLUTE IDIOT. What do I have to do, actually marry him befroe he gets it?!!!]

 

ME: [Don’t say that man. You’ll put a jinx on the whole thing.]

 

ME: [Okay don’t worry. We just haven’t been blunt enough.]

 

ME: [Tomorrow, we’re going to actually confess. Like, words.]

 

DUCKLING: [It’s no use he’s to stupid]

 

ME: [Oh my god Ai that’s my line.]

 

ME: [Get some sleep. I know you need it. I’ll be over there after class tomorrow, and then we’re going to get everythign ready. Don’t worry, Ai.]

 

DUCKLING: [If he doesn’t get it tomorrow I’m calling Nagisa.]

 

DUCKLING: [You too, Senpai.]

 

Sousuke slipped his phone under his pillow and dug around his bed for the book he had been reading. He chucked it at the back of Rin’s head, then rolled over to get some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Ai was going insane. In the year and a half that he had gone to Samezuka, classes had never dragged on this long. He sat in English, the first class he had after lunch, fidgeting in his seat and wondering if he could get away with playing sick. But then he would just have to wait for the end of class anyway for Sousuke to get out. Unless he somehow got a message to Sousuke and convinced him to play hooky too. 

 

And then there was practice to think about. Rin and Sousuke could skip no problem, since they weren’t technically part of the team anymore, but Ai was captain. He could always leave Minami in charge, but the last time he had done that Momo had sent him several pictures of a cat that had apparently appeared in the pool and derailed the entire practice, and Ai didn’t even want to think about where they had found jammers small enough to fit it. So Minami was out. Ai groaned and let his head fall on his desk with a thump.

 

“Nitori-kun, are you all right?” Ai jumped and squeaked, looking up to see the entire class staring at him.

 

“Y-yes, Sensei, I’m fine!” he cried. “I’m sorry, please continue.” The teacher turned around and continued on with her lesson as the stares slowly trickled back to the front of the room. Ai rubbed a palm against his eyelids and tried to shake himself out of his thoughts. Keeping an eye on the teacher, he slipped his phone out of his pocket.

 

 

 

Sousuke was having a hell of a time keeping Rin from seeing his phone screen. Momo had sent him pictures of at least four different cheeseburgers, but somewhere in the mix had been a text from Ai that he actually cared about. He propped one foot up on Rin’s chest to keep him on his side of the couch and thumbed it open.

 

[DUCKLING]: I really can’t leave Minami in charge of practice again, Yamazaki-Senpai. We’re going to have to do it after.

 

“Oi, I thought we were studying, not screwing around,” Rin snapped. Sousuke shifted his foot to Rin’s shoulder and nudged him so he was leaning over his book.

 

“So study. I’m texting Ai.” That got Rin’s attention.

 

[ME]: I didn’t think of that. We’ll do it at dinner, then.

 

“What are you two doing at dinner?” Rin asked, then suddenly blushed. “Nevermind, I don’t care,” he mumbled, surging to the other side of the couch again. Sousuke resisted the urge to roll his eyes and swiveled around so he could drop his head in Rin’s lap.

 

“You’ll find out,” he said. “By the way, you’re coming to dinner with us tonight.”

 

“What kind of shitty invitation is that?” Rin squawked, but Sousuke could see him blushing even harder.

 

“It wasn’t an invitation,” Sousuke said, “it was a demand. And it’s coming from Ai, not me, so suck it up.” Sousuke’s phone went off again, and he twisted to keep Rin from seeing.

 

[DUCKLING]: Sousuke, I’m going to die. I am literally dying right now.

 

Sousuke laughed, typing with one hand as he held the phone out of Rin’s reach.

 

[ME]: Hang in there, Duck. Not long now.

 

Rin lunged for the phone, knocking them both off the couch. Sousuke locked it and chucked it to the other side of the room, wrestling with the redhead until he had him pinned.

 

“Oh my god, get a room you two!” yelled a second year Sousuke vaguely recognized from the team. He grinned up at the boy who rolled his eyes and left. Sousuke turned back to Rin, only to see tears gathering in his eyes.

 

“Rin?” He sat up, letting Rin get up as well. “What’s wrong?” Rin didn’t answer, just stood, gathered his books, and left the room, ignoring Sousuke completely. Sousuke sighed and lay back, watching the ceiling. Six more hours before dinner time.

 

 

 

Rin was not hiding. Hiding would have been cowardly. No, what Rin was doing was  helping. It was just a coincidence that all of the first years he happened to be helping were anywhere Sousuke and Ai were  not. So when practice finished and they were nowhere to be found, Rin was  not nervous.

 

“Ready to go?” 

 

Rin jumped and squealed, “HOLY FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!”

 

Ai stood blinking up at him in an oddly sarcastic silence. Rin stared back for a moment, then calmly and slowly backed out of the locker room.

 

Right into Sousuke.

 

“Oh good, you’re here,” Sousuke said. He snatched up Rin’s arm and turned, gesturing for Ai to follow. “There’s something we wanted to talk to you about.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin sighed, “about that. Look, I get it. You don’t have to-”

 

“No, Rin,” Ai interrupted. “Trust me, you don’t get it. Please, just come with us.” Rin looked down at Ai, who watched him with such a sincere expression that Rin felt himself giving in. Sousuke tugged on his arm and smiled as they all started walking. 

 

 

 

“So, um, Rin, the reason we wanted to talk to you is, uh,” Ai stammered, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs. Sousuke set a large, warm palm on his shoulder. He gave him a reassuring smile.

 

“What Ai’s trying to say-” 

 

AKIRAMEKIRENAI KOTO WO NAGEITE WA MUKIAEZU NI

 

Rin’s ringtone blared into the room. Ai squeaked and Sousuke glared at the device even as Rin answered, hooting an apologetic look across the table at them.

 

“Makoto, this really isn’t a good- WHAT?!” Ai jumped, reaching out as though to lay a hand on his shoulder. “WHERE IS SHE?” Rin demanded. He jumped out of his chair and ran out of the room, pausing just enough to glance back and make sure the others were following.


	5. Chapter 5

Iwatobi General Hospital’s emergency room had a tiny waiting room, one that was probably too small for Gou’s four teammates and advisor, and definitely too small for the three other boys who came crowding in.

 

“Where is she?” Rin demanded as soon as he was through the door. Ai and Sousuke both reached out and grabbed his arms to keep him from doing anything crazy.

 

“Rin, it’s alright,” said Makoto, easing his way through the crowd. “She’s okay, we just brought her here to have her checked out is all.”

 

“Where. Is. My. Sister.” Rin snarled. Makoto’s eyes widened, and he looked around for a nurse. She scuttled over, looking harried and irritated with the number of people in her waiting room.

 

“Can I help you?” she asked.

 

“Matsuoka Gou,” Rin said immediately. “My sister.” The nurse’s eyes widened, and she looked down at her chart. 

 

“Come with me, Matsuoka-kun,” she said. “Your sister has been asking for you.” They disappeared through a double door, and the room was quiet for a moment.

 

“What happened?” Sousuke asked, whirling on Makoto, who held his hands up and shrunk in on himself.

 

“Sousuke,” Ai whispered, putting a hand on Sousuke’s back. “Please, Tachibana-san, just tell us what’s wrong with Gou-san.”

 

“Nothing, I promise,” Makoto said quickly. “She fell into the pool, and she can’t really swim. She bumped her head on the bottom, so we brought her here to make sure she was okay.” Sousuke’s entire body relaxed, and Ai scrambled to catch him as he slumped against the wall.

 

“Thank god,” Sousuke whispered. At that moment, Rin came back through the door, looking worlds more calm than he had. He glanced around, noting Ai and Sousuke near the door, nodded at them, then stalked straight up to Nagisa and grabbed him by the collar. 

 

“Don’t ever put my sister in the hospital again, you hear me shrimp?” Nagisa squeaked and nodded.

 

“I’m so sorry, Rin-chan, it was an accident!” he cried. Rin released Nagisa and ruffled his blond hair into greater disarray.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Nagisa,” he said softly. Ai’s heart thudded against his ribs. “There’s no real harm done. Just be more careful, okay?” Nagisa nodded and buried his head in Rin’s chest. Rin chuckled and wrapped his arms around the boy.

 

“He really does love all of you, doesn’t he?” Ai murmured to Makoto, who nodded and answered just as quietly.

 

“He likes to pretend he’s fine on his own,” he said, “but when it comes down to it he’s one of the most loyal people I know.” They watched Rin for a moment, then Makoto turned toward the door. “Come with me for a moment, Nitori-kun?” Ai nodded and followed.

 

They made their way to a small courtyard and sat together on one of the benches. There was a small fountain babbling away with a few birds perched around its rim, surrounded by flowering bushes and dwarf trees. It was a quiet, beautiful place. 

 

“I’m not really sure how to say this without prying,” Makoto began. “Just understand that I’m only doing this because I care about Rin.” He sighed and ran a hand through his sandy hair. 

 

“I promise, if you just come out and say it, I won’t be offended, Tachibana-san,” Ai said. 

 

“If you and Yamazaki-kun are just going to play with Rin,” Makoto said, his voice hard, “then it needs to stop now.” Ai stared at him, then burst into laughter.

 

“I’m sorry, Tachibana-san,” he giggled, “it’s not like that at all.”

 

“Then what is it like?” Makoto growled. Ai took a deep breath to steady himself, then looked seriously at Makoto.

 

“Can we trust you, Tachibana-san?” he asked. Makoto nodded, slowly. Ai sighed and laced his fingers together. “When you called Rin today, we were all out together. Sousuke and I, we’ve known for a long time how Rin feels about us, and how we feel about each other. It’s just Rin who doesn’t get it.” He glanced up at Makoto and laughed humorlessly. “We were actually in the middle of asking him out when you called. Don’t apologize,” he said when Makoto opened his mouth, a horrified look on his face. “We’d much rather know Gou-san is okay. You saw how relieved Sousuke was when he heard she was alright.” Ai looked down at his hands, fighting back a blush.

 

“I just want Rin to be happy,” Makoto said softly.

 

“That’s what we want too,” Ai answered. “I know it’s weird, but Sousuke and I both genuinely care about him, and we want to be with him. If that’s what he wants.” Makoto chuckled.

 

“Okay then,” he said, standing. “That’s all I wanted to know.” He left Ai to gather himself and returned to the waiting room. Ai stared at the fountain and the birds and the flowering bushes and the trees and made up his mind. He stood and followed Makoto back inside.

 

Sousuke shot upright as soon as he came through the door, but didn’t say anything. Ai nodded at him, then looked around the room. Rin was sitting on the couch next to Haru, chattering away about something. Ai took a deep breath and walked over to him.

 

“Rin,” he said. Rin looked up just in time for Ai to kiss him. “You’re our boyfriend now. Mine and Sousuke’s.” Rin just stared up at him, his jaw hanging open and his face turning scarlet. He nodded almost absently. Ai gave him a small smile, then turned and left the room, nodding at Sousuke who was making his way over to Rin.

 

Ai was through waiting.


	6. Chapter 6

Rin’s mind was filled with white noise as he watched Ai walk away from him. His lips were numb where Ai’s had touched, his shoulders were tingling where Ai’s hands had rested, his ears were ringing with echoes of the words Ai had said. He looked up dumbly when someone large and familiar stopped in front of him, holding out a hand. He took it and rose to follow Sousuke out of the room. 

 

Sousuke led him out of the hospital and over to a tiny garden where they found Ai, staring at a pair of birds. He sat on the bench next to Ai with a thump and tugged Rin down with him.

 

“Well, that was interesting, Duckling,” he teased. Ai chuckled and shoved Sousuke’s shoulder.

 

“You weren’t about to tell him,” Ai retorted. Rin felt a part of himself leaning into the familiar banter, telling his body to relax against the bench and close his eyes. Another part, a stronger part, was screaming incoherent orders into every part of Rin’s mind, putting him on edge. He barely even noticed Ai and Sousuke falling silent beside him.

 

“Rin-senpai?” Ai prompted. “Rin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just sprung it on you like that, and then not even given you a chance to answer.” Ai stared at his feet, and something in Rin’s chest tightened.

 

“Ai,” he whispered. The three of them sat awkwardly, each staring off in a different direction. This place was actually kind of pretty, Rin realized. He sighed heavily. 

 

“God we’re stupid,” Sousuke muttered. Rin snorted and glanced at his best friend. Sousuke met his eye and gave him that smile that he had always worn when they were kids and about to do something questionable and they were going to have fun doing it. “So, Rin,” he said, folding his arms behind his head, “whatd’ya say?” Rin felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“You mean it?” he asked. Sousuke nodded.

 

“Of course we are, Senpai,” Ai said. “We’ve been trying to tell you for the past few days, but I guess it hasn’t really been the right time.” Rin snorted again.

 

“So at the waiting room while my sister is in the ER is the right time?” he teased. Ai blushed and looked back at the ground. Sousuke chuckled and swung an arm around Ai, the other snaking around Rin. Rin tried to let himself relax into the touch, but there was still a doubt nagging at the back of his mind. “It won’t work,” he whispered.

 

“Do you really believe that?” Sousuke asked him. Rin nodded. 

 

“You two are too perfect for each other,” he muttered. “Sooner or later you’re going to realize you’re much better off without me.” Sousuke stiffened, but it was Ai who shot to his feet in anger.

 

“Don’t you ever fucking say that,” Ai shouted. Rin and Sousuke both reeled back; Ai took several steps forward until he was standing between Rin’s knees, leaning up into his face. “Do not,” he growled, “do not ever imply that we could ever not want you. Do not ever say that you are anything less than fucking perfect, Rin. No one talks about the man I love that way.” 

 

The white noise in Rin’s head turned into a deafening echo as his body started trembling and tears started streaming down his face all at once. Before he could process anything, Ai and Sousuke both had their arms wrapped around him, stroking his hair and his upper arms, whispering reassurances to him, rocking him gently, begging him not to cry. All of the exhaustion, all of the stress and the pent up turmoil he had tried to keep hidden from them came rushing out of him and he shook and wailed in their arms.

 

He was aware of the time passing and of his friends sitting in the waiting room not far away. He felt his phone vibrate two or three times in his pocket. He could see shadows lengthening and the sky turning red. But he was still surprised when the tremors and the sobs subsided and he lifted his head from where it was buried in Ai’s shoulder and noticed that dusk had fallen around them. He raised a shaky hand to scrub his face and took a deep breath.

 

“Are you okay, Senpai?” Ai asked. Rin could feel his slender fingers running through his hair and he leaned into the touch while he nodded. They were quiet for a moment.

 

“Let’s go home,” Sousuke said at length. “We have a lot to talk about, and I think we could all use an early night.” Rin nodded again, but made no move to stand. 

 

“Everything’s going to be different now,” he whispered. Beside him, Sousuke nodded and tightened his arms around his waist. Rin thought for a moment. “I’m glad.” With that, he stood and led the other two toward the train station.


	7. Chapter 7

HAZUKI-SAN: [look ai-chan do you need my help or not??? my guy is getting antsy.]

 

Ai sighed and wiped a hand across his forehead, heedless of the paint he smeared there in the process.

 

ME: [Please do not put a hit out on Sousuke, Hazuki-kun.]

 

HAZUKI-SAN: [i didnt say anything about a hit ai-chan. im just saying that if something were to happen to sou-chan out of utter coincidence i would have your back]

 

Ai chuckled a little at that.

 

ME: [You’re a true friend, Hazuki-kun.]

 

HAZUKI-SAN: [damn right]

 

“What are you laughing at, Duckling?” Sousuke asked, strolling through the open door to Ai’s dorm and plunking down on his desk chair.

 

“Hazuki-kun is still offering to help me get rid of your body,” Ai answered, leaning down to add a brush stroke to his canvas.

 

Sousuke snorted. “That child is literally the most terrifying person I have ever met,” he muttered.

 

“You’re just confused because the only other tiny person you know is a perfect angel,” Rin said from his place on Ai’s bunk.

 

“And _you’re_ supposed to be asleep,” Ai told him, scowling in his general direction. Rin huffed and rolled onto his stomach.

 

“Are you actually going to show me what you’re working on this time?” he asked, voice somewhat muffled by Ai’s pillow.

 

“Not if you don’t sleep,” Ai answered. “Besides, I always show them to you, as soon as I finish them.” Rin mumbled something incoherent and Ai chuckled.

 

It was peaceful here, with the last rays of evening light tracing across the ceiling and the air filled with the rasping of Ai’s brush and three separate sets of breath. It was as simple and as perfect as Ai had always thought it might be.

 

 

 

Rin buried his face a little deeper in Ai’s pillow, forcing the swell of anxiety deeper into his chest. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to the same easy acceptance that Ai and Sousuke pulled off so well.

 

Today was supposed to be a perfect day; they had been together for a week now and had decided to do absolutely nothing productive on this particular Sunday. Being here in Ai’s bed while he and Sousuke chatted softly should have felt perfectly comfortable.

 

Instead, Rin’s skin was crawling and a vague panic was making him want to claw his eyes out.

 

Even the scent wafting from Ai’s pillow - something that normally calmed him down and reminded him of his second year when his kouhai would invade his bed with a movie and quiet support - was putting him on edge.

 

Several minutes passed by the time he realized the room had fallen quiet.

 

Ai heaved a heavy sigh before he said softly, “This isn’t working.” Rin’s heart plummeted to his feet

 

“I tried to warn you, Duckling,” Sousuke said. Rin shoved his face deeper into the pillow as he listened to Sousuke stand and stretch. The bed tilted wildly as Sousuke flopped down at Rin’s feet. “He’s too self-deprecating. He’s not going to believe how much we love him.” The noise that escaped Rin’s throat was definitely not a tiny whimper. Sousuke rests a large hand on Rin’s calf, stroking softly up and down its length.

 

“Don’t fucking mock me,” he whispered, not even sure if Sousuke could hear him. Ai sighed again and pulled himself up to kneel near Rin’s head. Rin flinched when small, slender fingers started combing through his hair.

 

“Senpai, what do we have to do to prove it to you?” he asked softly. “Please, I can’t stand the thought of not knowing how important you are to us.” Rin didn’t answer, his mind too full of swirling thoughts that grew louder and louder and then cut off entirely before Rin could make heads or tails of them, only to be replaced by newer, louder thoughts. He knew he should say something, anything at all to stop the tiny sniffles Ai was just beginning to make, but his throat felt like glass. Rin squeezed his eyes shut until he could see stars, absolutely hating himself.

 

The suffocating silence dragged on for days before Sousuke sighed.

 

“When we were ten years old Rin fell out of a tree and broke his arm,” he said and Rin stiffened. “We weren’t supposed to be at the park that day, so he made me promise not to tell his mom. Just went home like nothing had happened. Dumbass made it thirty seconds through dinner before he was crying, and his arm was swollen to twice its normal size.”

 

“What happened?” Ai asked.

 

“His mom took him to the hospital and he was grounded for a week for sneaking around,” Sousuke answered. “I snuck into his room by climbing the tree by his window to bring him video games and manga. Pretty sure his mom knew about it, but she never said anything.” It was quiet for a moment.

 

“Last June Mikoshiba-buucho agreed to go canvas shopping with me and then see some movie,” Ai said. “Rin-Senpai kept making all this noise about how stupid it was and how he couldn’t believe we were going out for something so dumb. He followed us around all day, doing the whole ducking around corners and hiding in bushes thing. He was actually doing okay until we ran into Gou-san and he came barreling out from behind this dumpster to drag her away.”

 

“Yeah, she told me about that one,” Sousuke laughed. “Remember the time he literally locked Momo in a closet for six hours because he had mentioned wanting to see Gou in a swimsuit?” Ai groaned.

 

“Do I remember?” he whined. “You didn’t have to deal with the aftermath. I live in the same room as him!”

 

“It was bad enough in our room,” Sousuke answered. “Rin kept grumbling and scowling at the wall. I’m pretty sure Momo would still be in that closet if Minami hadn’t found him.” Ai giggles at that, a high, musical sound that has Rin smiling despite himself. Sousuke’s thumb runs along the curve of Rin’s ankle in a familiar - and slightly possessive - gesture. “You know, Ai, one of these days he’s going to realize how fucking perfect he is, and then we’re screwed.” Rin’s brow furrowed and the smile slipped away.

 

“I think we’re already screwed,” Ai mumbled. “It’s not like we’ll ever be okay without him.”

 

“Stop,” Rin whispered. “Just stop it.”

 

“Stop what, Rin? Telling you the truth?” Sousuke’s hand tightened on Rin’s leg, and his voice shook with the type of quiet anger that Rin had only heard a handful of times before. “I thought we agreed we were done with the lies.”

 

“So did I,” Rin spat. He levered himself up and walked out the door without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't lynch me.


	8. Chapter 8

5-31-15

Prompt: Rosemary and Time Chapter 8

Pairing: SouRinTori

Rating: T

 

     Rin didn’t question how Haru found him; a part of him had known it would be him. He sat down next to Rin on the bench in the woods where Rin always went to avoid Sousuke and Ai and sighed softly.

 

“Scared?” Haru asked, and for once it didn’t feel like a challenge. Rin just nodded. “You’re an idiot.”

 

“Thanks,” Rin mumbled. Haru huffed softly.

 

“Makoto had a talk with Nitori,” he said. “To find out his intentions toward you.”

 

“Geez, you make him sound like my dad or something.”

 

“He kind of is,” Haru pointed out. Rin grunted. “Makoto thinks he should tell you, but he’s worried it’s not his place, so now I have to.”

 

“Is there a point to this talk?” Rin muttered.

 

“If Makoto finds out you’re fighting with them he’ll be upset.” Rin snorted.

 

“Why do the two of you always have to make it seem so easy?” Rin mumbled.

 

“Because you don’t know about Kisumi,” Haru answered.

 

“Wait, really?”

 

“No.”

 

Rin glared at Haru, who couldn’t quite hide his smile.

 

“Not yet, anyway. Not until Makoto pulls his head out of his ass.” Rin choked on his own tongue at that. Haru gave him an unimpressed look and leaned back in this seat. “I need the three of you to work,” he said. “I need you to show Makoto that it’s not crazy to love more than one person.”

 

“That’s not really fair, Haru,” Rin mumbled.

 

“Never said it was,” Haru answered. “I am a cruel and selfish person, and I want to use your personal life to aid my own.” Rin chuckled at that.

 

“Good to know I have such caring friends,” he quipped. Haru smirked at that and sighed.

 

“You have a lot of people who care about you, Rin,” he said. Rin bit back a sigh.

 

“I know, I know. I don’t need another life-changing relay. It’s just,” he stopped, not sure how to word it. “It’s just that it comes so easy for both of them. Neither one of them sees anything weird about it. I tried to be that sure, I really did, but I just- I just can’t.” He wasn’t sure what he was expecting out of Haru, but the lack of response was not a surprise. “Any helpful input would be appreciated,” he grumbled.

 

“The water is-”

 

“Nevermind, I’ll figure it out myself,” Rin interrupted, launching to his feet. Haru smirked up at him.

 

“Communicate, Rin,” he said. “You’d be amazed how well it works.”

 

“This from you,” Rin said. He sighed and waved vaguely over his shoulder as he started walking away. “Let me know how it works out with the whole Kisumi thing,” he half-shouted.

 

“No.”

 

“I expect an invite to the wedding!”

 

“Fuck off, Rin.” Rin chuckled and turned up the path toward the station.

 

 

 

LIL SIS: [He just showed up, Sousuke-kun. I’ll make sure he’s back by curfew.]

 

ME: [Thanks Gou. Anything you get out of him will be helpful.]

 

ME: [But dont let him know. You know the drill.]

 

LIL SIS: [ (`・ω・´)ゞ ]

 

Sousuke smiled fondly at his phone. Leave it to Gou to be the perfect wingman.

 

“It’s alright, Duck, I found him,” he said, turning to face Ai, who was passed out on Rin’s bunk. “Because you were obviously so worried,” he muttered to himself, rolling his eyes and flopping down to nap with him.

 

 

 

“Before you say anything-”

 

“You’re an idiot, Onii-chan.”

 

Rin winced and tried to look contrite. He’d at least expected Gou to allow him _some_ time to explain before she started scolding him. She paused for a moment, as though waiting for him to speak. When he didn’t, she crossed her arms and glared up at him.

 

“Do you have any idea what you’re putting them through?” she snapped, and Rin winced again.

 

“You don’t pull punches, do you?” he mumbled. She snorted angrily and pointed toward the couch.

 

“Sit,” she ordered. He did as she asked and folded his hands in his lap like a kid sent to the principal’s office. She stood glaring down at him, 106 pounds of pure terror. “Onii-chan, you know how much I love you, but right now I can barely stand to be in the same room as you,” she started. “You manage to land not one, but two gorgeous guys who pretty much worship the ground you walk on, and you throw it all away because you don’t think they want you. I can’t begin to tell you how angry that makes me, but that’s not important. What’s important is how much you just hurt them.”

 

“How much _I_ hurt _them?!_ ” Rin screeched. “They’re fine! It’s me who’s hurting!” Gou’s face softened then, and she came to sit next to him.

 

“Nitori-kun called me in tears,” she told him. “He said you accused them of lying, then just ran out of the room. He didn’t know where you’d gone or if you’d be back. He was hysterical, Onii-chan.” She sighed and leaned on his shoulder. “You have to go back and talk to them.”

 

“I can’t,” he said. “They’re better off without me anyway.”

 

“That’s their decision, not yours,” she said. “And honestly, it’s an insult to them when you don’t even try to believe what they tell you.”

 

“When did my baby sister get so smart?” he asked, throwing an arm around her shoulder.

 

“I’ve always been smarter than you,” she answered. “Please promise me you’ll try?” Rin sighed.

 

“Okay,” he said.

 

“Do you want me to come with you? So I can mediate?”

 

“I’m not sneaking you into the weight room again.”

 

“Worst big brother ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go ahead and post this one early so that you wouldn't have to wait for your next cliffhanger so soon after my hiatus. And that's all I have to say on the matter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter opens with some heavier topics than I've covered so far. In the first few paragraphs, Rin goes through what is called a dissociative state, which may be triggering for some. Read at your own discretion.  
> I have updated the work's tags to reflect this warning.

6-16-15

Rosemary and Time Chapter 9

 

No matter how Rin tried to fight it, he couldn’t shake the familiar sense of time slowing down and warping around him as he approached the door to his and Sousuke’s room. He felt his body moving off-beat with himself, stepping a second later than he thought he would, moving a tad slower than he thought he was. When he went to open his door, the hand that reached out did not belong to him, and though he watched himself touch the door handle, he could not feel it. His entire body was shaking as he turned the handle and tried to make himself push open the door. He stared at his hand in confusion as the door was pulled open from the other side. Sousuke stopped short, as though surprised to see him.

 

“What took you so long? We thought you were-” He cut off, looking at Rin with a furrowed brow. “Rin, what’s wrong?”

 

“Senpai?” Rin looked at Ai, his vision sweeping across the dorm in slow motion. Ai’s face settled into a grim expression and he nudged Sousuke out of the way, taking Rin by the arm and pulling him toward the bunk. “Senpai, just lay down. It’ll be okay, but I need you to lay down for me.” The world tilted and warped as Ai guided him down onto the bed.

 

 

 

Sousuke watched as Ai reached up and pulled a blanket down from the top bunk to wrap tightly around Rin. He kept the same serious look on his face as he went about tucking Rin in and tugging the blanket tighter. He paused to pull off Rin’s shoes, throwing them carelessly behind him.

 

“Sousuke, I need you to go into my room and grab me a pillow and two more blankets,” he said without looking up from his task. Sousuke stared at Rin, at the empty look in his eyes and the way his trembling was muted by the blankets. “Sousuke!” Ai barked out the order and Sousuke started, running out of the room and across the hall.

 

He barely had time to be thankful that Momo was out of the room as he snatched the first two blankets he could find, as well as the pillow from Ai’s bed. He had been gone thirty seconds at most, but when he returned Ai had already propped Rin’s feet up on Sousuke’s pillow and procured a bottle of water from somewhere. He grabbed the pillow that Sousuke held out to him and coaxed Rin upward enough to slip it behind his head.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Sousuke asked, handing Ai one of the blankets.

 

Ai grimmaced, taking the blanket and tucking it in around Rin atop the other.

 

"He's having a panic attack," he answered. Sousuke's brow furrowed.

 

"I've seen Rin's panic attacks," he protested. "He shakes and screams, he doesn't do" he gestured vaguely to the empty look in Rin's eyes. "This." Ai sighed and sat back.

 

"They don't get this bad very often," he said. "I think it's what's called a dissociative state. He doesn't feel real, or connected to reality right now." A far-off look entered Ai's eyes. "It's happened to me once. It's terrifying." Sousuke had to swallow hard around the lump in his throat.

 

"What can I do?" he asked. Ai looked at him, confused. "Please, please give me something to do, tell me how to make this better." Ai shook his head sadly.

 

"You can't," he said. "All we can do is wait it out."

 

Sousuke bit his lip and looked at the man on the bed, the boy he loved so much, looking so small and helpless. He sat down on the bunk near Rin's head and reached out tentatively. Ai nodded at him, and he allowed his hand to rest on Rin's head, stroking gently through the soft hair he had always secretly admired.

 

 

 

When Rin woke up sometime later, Ai was the only other one awake on the floor. He had made Rin's rounds for him, checking on the swim team and making sure Momo's homework was done while Sousuke stayed with him. Now he was sitting in Sousuke's desk chair, working his way through some English book he had found while Sousuke slept.

 

"Ai?" At the sound of his name Ai turned slowly, warily. Rin frowned, struggling to move his limbs.

 

"Here, let me help, Senpai," he said, getting up to untangle Rin.

 

"What-" Rin looked up at him, clearly confused.

 

"You had an attack," Ai said, trying to keep his voice from sounding as sad as he felt. "Senpai, were you really that scared to come home?” Rin looked away, focusing on getting his lower body free from Sousuke, who had a leg flopped across his hips. “You don’t have to answer,” Ai said, terrified he had just made it worse. Rin finally freed his legs and sighed, ribbing the back of his neck.

 

“I didn’t think I was,” he answered. Ai bit his lip and perched on the edge of the bed. He swallowed back the burning in his throat and asked the one question he had been dreading.

 

“Rin, do you even want to be in this relationship?” Rin started and glanced up at him, his face a mixture of confusion, fear, and just a bit of sadness. “Sousuke and I want you to be,” Ai continued, “but not if it means you’re this unhappy. I would rather be alone, no matter how much that hurts, than to force you into something that gives you so much anxiety.” Rin looked at him then, and it was like Ai had been taken back in time to when Rin was still that scared, hurting kid he had roomed with the year before. He moved almost without thought, crawling carefully in the sliver of space between Rin’s legs and Sousuke’s to curl up in Rin’s lap. “Senpai, I wish you would tell me what’s wrong,” he whispered.

 

“I don’t know,” answered Rin. “But I’m scared.”

 

“Do you know what you’re scared of?” Rin shook his head.

 

“It’s stupid,” he muttered.

 

“Obviously not, if you’re this upset about it,” Ai said. Rin sighed, his chest heaving enough to move Ai along with it.

 

“I just, I feel like I don’t fit in here,” he said, but his arms were wrapping their way around Ai.

 

“Can you tell me why?” Ai asked. Rin sighed again.

 

“No?” he said. “I know that _you_ were the one to ask _me_ out, and I know that you’re not the type to date someone out of pity, or as a joke, but I just feel… unnecessary.”

 

“I can tell you right now that you’re not,” Ai said. “If it weren’t for you, Sousuke and I would never have even met.” He was quiet for a moment, debating, then said, “You know, for a long time Sousuke only wanted to know me to get closer to you.” Rin stiffened, and Ai chuckled. “He is so in love with you, Rin. For months, I swear it was like he didn’t look at anyone but you.”

 

“What changed?” Rin asked softly. Ai smiled.

 

“You know that night he found me training alone?” Ai asked. Rin nodded. “He made me take a break, and we just started talking. It was all about you, at first.” Ai chuckled again. “He just came right out and asked me why I hadn’t asked you out yet. Gave me the whole what-are-your-intentions-with-my-boy look and everything. But I told him that I didn’t think I could make you happy, and, I don’t know, it was like he felt sorry for me or something. After that we just started talking a lot more, about everything, and somewhere along the lines things changed.” He paused, feeling Rin wrapped around him like he had dreamed so often that year. “We never thought for a second that either of us would ever get over you, so we never thought we would have a chance with each other. When Nagisa texted me last week, it was the first time in a long time that I had thought that maybe this could work. That I wouldn’t have to choose, or watch the two of you be together without me.”

 

“You and Sousuke,” Rin said after a pause that felt eternal, “are so good for each other. I guess I just don’t see what you could need from me.”

 

“Balance,” Ai answered. “Rin, I know this feeling isn’t going to go away overnight, but please. Give us a chance.” Rin’s shoulders trembled, and Ai knew he was crying.

 

“Okay,” he whispered, tightening his arms around Ai.

 

They fell asleep like that, and woke stiff and sweaty, but happy to the sound of Sousuke’s alarm.


	10. Chapter 10

7-5-15

Rosemary and Time Chapter 10

 

Sousuke woke with a drooling Rin sprawled out on his chest and Ai's foot somewhere near his left ear. It was a beautiful moment that he would have given anything to savor, but his bladder had other plans. He shoved Rin off of him and nudged Ai's foot out of the way before heaving himself up off of the bunk and stumbling toward the door.  
  
In the bathroom he tried to remember what had happened the day before, but all he could remember was Rin storming out and Ai worrying and a reassuring text from Gou. He had no idea how or when Rin had come back, or how they had ended up sleeping in a large, cuddly pile on a bunk that really should not have held all of them. He paused after washing his hands to splash water on his face and stare at himself in the mirror.

 

He had to bite back a smile.  
  
When Sousuke came back to the room Rin was snuggling Ai's calf, cheek pressed against the ball of Ai's foot. Sousuke snickered and pulled out his phone for blackmail material.  
  
"Hey," he said softly, sitting on the mattress near Ai's head. "Wake up, you two. Classes start soon." Ai grumbled something and burrowed under the covers,kicking Rin's face in the process. Sousuke bit back a laugh and grabbed Rin by the calf, shaking gently. "Up you get, Shark Week," he said.   
  
"Fuck off," Rin answered.  
  
"Aww, there's my loving boyfriends," Sousuke cooed. "Come on, breakfast time. I think it's Western style today. Ai perked up at that, gaining enough of his humanity back to crawl out of bed and stagger over to the dresser. He pulled out one of Rin's shirts from Sousuke's drawer, and a pair of his own sweats from their place in Rin's side of the closet, and tugged them on.   
Sousue watched all this with a warm feeling in his chest. It wasn't like he never saw Ai in their clothes, but the fact that he was so at home here that he could take whatever he liked filled him with a disgusting sense of domestic bliss. He watched Rin roll out of bed and ruffle his hair with the same feeling.   
  
It wasn't too hard to imagine. The three of them may have been on very different paths at one point, but there was no separating them now. Sousuke was convinced, even if it didn't work out between them romantically - and God did he hope it worked out - the three of them were too closely tied. They couldn't just leave and never hear from each other again.   
He could see it in his mind, the house in the countryside, or in a suburb. Something with a lawn so they could have a bi dog. Or seven big dogs, if Ai ever got his way. Close to the ocean, or an aquatic center so that Rin could keep up with his training. Somewhere Ai could sell his paintings, and Sousuke could do... whatever it was that Sousuke was going to do. He smiled at the thought of waking up to them every day, of simple things like making breakfast and filing taxes and choosing paint schemes. He wanted it.  
  
He wanted it so much that it scared him, just a little. Rather than dwell on it, though, he looped an arm around Ai and pulled him close, resting his head on the top of Ai's head as they watched Rin get ready for the day.   
  
"Morning, Sou," Ai hummed, leaning back into him.  
  
"Good morning, Duckling," Sousuke answered. Rin pulled off his shirt, and both of them let out a dreamy sigh at the sight of the muscles in his back flexing with the movement.  
  
"Get a room," Rin shot over his shoulder.  
  
"Why?" Sousuke retorted. "The view's so nice in this one." RThe tips of Rin's ears and the back of his neck turned red and he was mysteriously quiet on the subject. Sousuke chuckled and haded out into the hallway.   
  
"I'll save you two a seat," he said.   
  
"Save us some bacon too!" Ai shouted after him. "Don't eat all of it before the other kids get a chance." Sousuke shot him a wounded look and continued on his way.   
  
  
  
Ai smiled to himself, watching Sousuke go.   
He felt so light this morning, and warm. Rin finished getting dressed and wrapped his arms around Ai, leaning into him with a sigh and a soft hum.  
  
"Ready, Senpai?" he asked.   
  
In a minute," Rin responded, holding him a little tighter. Ai wrapped his arms around Rin's waist and leaned his head into his senpai's chest. "Hey, Ai?" Ai hummed, letting Rin know he was listening. "Thanks, you know, for last night." Ai leaned back to smile up at Rin.  
  
"Senpai, you are always welcome," he said. "Always." He leaned back in and closed his eyes, breathing in the sweet, spicy scent he carried with him. "I just wish I knew how to help."  
  
"You are helping," Rin told him. Ai smiled and shook his head.  
  
Maybe," he agreed, but didn't offer anything more than that. "Come on," he said, shifting so that Ai was tucked under one arm. "Let's go before he eats everything." Ai giggled and skipped down the hall, dragging Rin along.  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Life soon settled into a routine. Evenings were spent in one dorm or the other, tangled up in each other's presence. Mornings were breakfasts in the cafeteria, shoving each other over who got the last bite of pancakes. Weekends were dates to the cinema or the shopping center or out to the beach.  
  
Sometimes Ai still caught himself marveling over how much had changed, and how much had stayed the same. He no longer had to worry about hiding the way he looked at them. He no longer had to hold himself back when he wanted to hold one of their hands. He no longer had to lie awake and wonder if it was all in his head.  
  
Of course, they were still careful. The happy, amorous pile they liked to snuggle in was reserved for when they were alone in one of their rooms. The handholding had to be subtle, lest someone notice. And the weekend dates had to be disguised as three friends, rather than three lovers.  
  
Ai sighed to himself at the thought as he paused to survey his latest project. It was bad enough being gay in Japan. Adding polyamory to the mix was just asking for disaster.  
  
"Come on, Duckling, you're thinking too loud," Sousuke intoned. Ai glanced at him and shrugged.  
  
"Trying to decide if this should go in my portfolio for the spring show," he said, adding another stroke of red.  
  
"What's the theme?" Sousuke asked. Ai smiled to himself. He knew damn good and well that Sousuke didn't care a whit about art. It was Ai he was interested in.  
  
"'A Rainbow of Diversity,'" Ai answered. He glanced up at Sousuke's overly-serious face and smiled. "It's okay to laugh, you know. It really is trite." Sousuke did crack a smile at that.   
  
"So what's the real theme?" he asked. Ai hummed in thought.  
  
"Kona-senpai was talking about the third years doing pieces focusing on various ethnicities in Japan," Ai said. "The second years are technically supposed to do something with colors, but I'm not sure where to go with that. I was thinking maybe varying hair colors, since we have a broad enough group of friends to find multiple subjects for that. Of course, that would me asking them to model, and I'm not sure how to approach that. Also, the dean of the university I'm looking at is always talking about having fresh perspective and a hair color themed series might be a little cliched..."  
  
  
  
Sousuke was listening, really. He loved the way Ai's voice sounded, the way it floated and dipped and wrapped around the cadence of his words.  
  
But really, Sousuke did not care about art.  
  
He liked to see the things Ai painted, because Ai had painted them. Early on in their friendships Ai had dragged him to the show the school was putting on, making him go with him to stare at every single piece in contemplation. Of course, he had found out later that that trip had been Ai's way of teasing him, but at the time he had put all of his might into coming up with something to say about each one.  
  
Now it was easier. Now he could pretend to listen to the actual words Ai said while he bounced ideas off of Sousuke.   
  
"Color," he murmured to himself. Ai glanced up at him and fell silent. "You know, we have a pretty colorful subject available already." Ai blushed.  
  
"I don't think Rin would appreciate me putting a painting of him up for the whole school to see," he said. Sousuke thought about it and shrugged.  
  
"It wouldn't hurt to ask," he said. Ai looked down at his canvas in silence.   
  
In a quiet voice, he said, "It would be too public, Sousuke."   
  
Sousuke's heart sank. He should have thought of that. They had already caused enough suspicion as it was; the whole team gave them looks that ranged from fond to judgemental, and Sousuke knew that Rin couldn't take much more attention.   
  
"Sorry," he mumbled.   
  
"It's okay," Ai said. He sat back on his heels and swirled his brush in the cup of water sitting to one side. "I just wish it were different, you know?" Sousuke nodded.  
  
"I know, Duck," he said. "I do too."  
  
After a moment Ai went back to his painting and they carried on in a not-quite-awkward silence.  
  
  
  
Rin was this close to walking away entirely. He had been standing in this shop for twenty minutes, his hands fisted in his hair, exuding so much frustration that the sales attendant had scurried away from him. He stared at the shelf in front of him and groaned inwardly.  
  
It wasn't that hard, really. Just pick out something Ai and Sousuke would like, and go on his way. He knew both of them well enough for that.  
  
But it wasn't that easy either. They had been together for four months now, and he wanted to do something special, something to let them both know how much they meant to him. He had gotten them gifts before, little presents of new paint or a cold can of cola or a plushie that Sousuke firmly denied he kept on his bunk even though Rin _lived_ with him and could _see_ it and-  
  
Rin sighed heavily and pulled out his phone.   
  
"Onii-chan?" chirped the voice on the other line. "What's up?"  
  
"Hey, Gou, I was wondering..." He trailed off, staring at the shelf.  
  
"Use your words, Onii-chan," Gou scolded. He flinched in spite of himself.  
  
"I need your help," he said at last. "Can you meet me at the mall?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, and so late. I had several chapters of this written already and waiting to be posted, but then my computer crashed and I lost all my files. It's been a long process getting my motivation back to work on this again.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it. Matsuoka shopping adventures next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> The multi-chap SouRinTori that no one seemed to want to write. Here it is, folks. Don't get your hopes up, this is me writing this, after all.  
> Cross-posted in my Daily Drabbles over on [Tumblr](http://notsuchasecret.tumblr.com)


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